You're the Only One Who Knows
by lilcorkyny
Summary: Postep for Siren Call, spoilers for Siren Call and Blind Spot.


_**A/N **_I lay no claim to any of these characters, but have enjoyed the experience. This is my first story here so I would like any constructive comments that could be offered. Thanks!

**You're the Only One Who Knows**

_In every heart, there is a room; a sanctuary safe and strong,_

_To heal the wounds of lovers past until a new one comes along._

The song cut into Eames' dark thoughts. She recognized the Billy Joel song and the pain to which it testified.

_I spoke to you in cautious tones, you answered me with no pretense._

_But still I feel I said too much, my silence is my self-defense._

Silence was definitely what her partner was using at this point as his "self-defense" and she needed to break through it. She needed to know what he had been thinking back there, her ability to continue in her job and as his partner was based on his answers. No matter how far away he was, she needed him to talk to her.

"Bobby", she began, "Bobby, why?"

He seemed to rouse himself at the soft sound of her voice and looked over at his partner.

"I think he gave us the answer earlier, Eames. If he had gone to jail, his wife and child would have had nothing. At least now they will have his pension though I think they would rather have had him. What would I have done in the same..."

She broke in. "No, Bobby. That's not what I meant. Why did you put me out of that room to face him by yourself? Were you afraid that I couldn't handle it? I wouldn't have gone with you if I thought I wasn't going to be able to do my job," she was now getting angry, "Do YOU think I can't do my job because of what happened to me? When you made me leave, it was as if I would be in the way in there and you thought I might have gotten someone hurt. How could you, of all people..."

He had tried to calm her by repeating her name but she wouldn't, or couldn't, stop. "EAMES!, he yelled as he slapped the dashboard. She stopped abruptly and stared out the windshield. "Alex," he said quietly now, "I never thought any of that. If anything, I thought just the opposite. I probably wouldn't be here now if it weren't for you. You have been through so much lately... because of people who had no connection to you, trying to hurt you to get to me. This guy was mad at me, not you. My asking you to leave was purely selfish on my part."

"Selfish? How could saving my life be selfish? The 'selfish' part of this was that you knew what was going on in there and I didn't. I had to stay outside the door wondering if I would ever see you again. On top of everything else, you coming out of there in a body bag would have been more than I could take."

He looked surprised,"Guess I didn't think of that." He took a deep breath and looked away as if what he was going to say was so difficult, he couldn't watch her reaction.

"You mean so much to me, something I hadn't admitted to myself until I thought that you were... dead. Declan was trying to make me accept the fact that you were dead. I couldn't do that, I was sure that I would feel... feel different, if you were dead. When we opened your trunk, I knew that if it was you, my life would stop. Today, it was the same feeling.", he turned to look at her, "If I had to watch you die there... if you were dead, my life would stop. That was my selfishness... I couldn't risk losing another person I care about." Bobby turned back to the window, lapsing back into his silence.

_And every time I held a rose, it seemed I only felt the thorns._

_And so it goes and so it goes and so will you soon, I suppose._

"Bobby, I am so sorry. It was just... it felt like you didn't trust me any more," she said, trying to keep the pain from her voice. "It never occurred to me that you might worry about me as much as I worry about you."

"And until I saw you in that hospital bed, so hurt and scared, it didn't occur to me either. That picture was in my head when he was pointing the gun at you. I had to believe that if I could get him to let you go, we would both be OK. With you out of the situation, I could take some risks. If something went wrong, you would be alright, no matter what I said. But when he handed me the phone to call my mother and say goodbye, I thought he was going to... and then, I realized you were safe, out in the hall, so I just stepped off into space and you caught me." As he looked at her, she realized that he was as vulnerable as she had ever seen him and his eyes were asking her if this was how it was supposed to be.

_But if my silence makes you leave, then that would be my worst mistake._

_So I will share this room with you and you can have this heart to break._

She drew in a long breath, knowing that whatever she said now would determine if she would ever see that look again. "How did I 'catch' you when I was out in the hallway? You were asking me to send that child back into the room and I just couldn't."

He visibly relaxed and she knew that she had given him the right answer, "When I told you to send that little girl into the room, I knew that you couldn't do that. I didn't have to signal you or make up some elaborate plan... as always, we were in the same place. You kept a hold on her and made it sound like you were about to let it happen, let me use that child to save me. You knew I wouldn't do that and I knew you couldn't ever put a child in danger... But if he thought you could, this would be enough of a distraction By just being you, you were there to catch me."

She turned to look at him, trying to keep the contact and the open moment. This was very difficult for him and she had to make sure he could go back there again whenever he needed her support.

Bobby glanced at her, finding affection deep in her eyes, and then looked down at his hands. "Alex, I couldn't believe in myself if I couldn't believe in you. You are the only person I could ever say this to... you're the only one who knows who I truly am."

For all he had been through in his life, for all the pain and anguish, he still needed her, trusted her and wanted to make sure she would always be there. How could she not have seen this?

_This is why my eyes are closed, it's just as well for all I've seen._

_And so it goes and so it goes and you're the only one who knows._

He turned back to her, "My turn to ask a question - when I picked you up the other day, expecting to take you home and instead, taking you to a crime scene, you said that you weren't getting any better by yourself. What did you mean by that?"

Alex hesitated, wanting to find the right words, "Whether anyone around me realizes it, I will only feel safe if I feel normal. In order to feel normal again, I need my life back like it was. You are a huge part of that life I want back, and I won't find it if I am not with you. I need to be back at work, I need to be interacting with you, I need to be useful again. You think that you let me down by not finding me and rescuing me from Jo Gage, but you did what you do best – you found the bad guy. Because that's what we do, we protect everyone else from the bad guys. Now I can feel safe and I can heal, because you found the bad guy. What else could I ask of you?"

_So I will choose to be with you, that's if the choice were mine to make._

_But you can make decisions too, and you can have this heart to break._

His hand moved tentatively to lay atop hers. He squeezed, she smiled and they both knew they could never go back to how it was.

_And so it goes and so it goes, _

_And you're the only one who knows._

_Song by Billy Joel, Storm Front Album, copyright 1989_


End file.
